The Problem of Marriage: Sin, Shame, and Passivity 

“The Problem of Marriage” is the first part of my three-part mini-series, inspired by a sermon I recently preached at my church, focusing on some profound aspects of marriage—the marriage problems we face, the purpose behind marriage, and the incredible power marriage holds. Today, I’ll be sharing insights on the problem of marriage, and I hope you find these reflections as enlightening and transformative as I did when preparing this series.

Understanding the Roots of Marital Problems

Let’s start from the beginning by addressing a core issue that I believe is universal in marriages: sin. Now, I know “sin” isn’t a popular term in today’s culture, but it’s crucial for understanding where our relationships can go off course. Sin, at its core, is missing the mark, falling short of what God’s design for our lives. And this is not just a personal problem; it’s a collective one, affecting the very fabric of our marriages.

In reflecting on the biblical story of Adam and Eve, we see the inception of sin and how it introduced the first fractures in a perfect union. They exemplified being ‘naked and unashamed,’ free of fear and filled with love. Yet, it all changed when the serpent posed that critical question, “Did God really say?” It’s a question that reverberates through time, challenging couples today in various forms to question divine truths and succumb to deception.

Confronting Passivity in Marriage

As we unravel the story further, there is a poignant lesson in the passive response of Adam. He stands by silently as Eve converses with the serpent, a stark reminder of how passivity can creep into our marriages. I’ve seen it happen many times—when one spouse disengages emotionally or spiritually. This passivity opens the door for subtle evils, like deception, to take root.

I encourage both husbands and wives to examine where passivity might reside in their relationships. It’s not just a harmless character trait but a threat to intimacy and connectedness. We need to actively combat this by choosing engagement, transparency, and communicating deeply and openly with our spouses.

ALSO LISTEN TO: Ep. 63: How Passivity & Apathy Are Silently Killing Your Marriage

The Ripple Effect of Sin

Another significant point I raised in my sermon—and one I cannot stress enough—is that our sins never occur in isolation. Whether it’s a hidden habit or a seemingly small transgression, those actions ripple outwards, affecting our partner in deep and often unseen ways. I’ve coached many couples through the throes of betrayal, and time and again, I’m reminded of how interconnected we truly are. Guilt can be a path to healing—it signals that our conscience is alive and calls us toward repentance and reconciliation.

Decoding the Curse: Conflict and Control

Let’s talk about the curse that followed humanity’s initial sin. It’s vital to understand that the dynamic of conflict and control wasn’t God’s original intent for marriage—it was a result of the fall. When I read the scripture that speaks to this, it’s clear that struggle wasn’t part of the divine blueprint. We weren’t meant to vie for power over one another or succumb to a hierarchical relationship model.

This is especially important for those of us who might have been taught to see dominion as the norm. We need to recognize that this isn’t a reflection of God’s original desire for our relationships. 

Jesus said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles dominate them, and the men of high position exercise power over them. It must not be like that among you. On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant (Matthew 20:25-26, HCSB).

Adam and Eve were created as equals, sharing dominion over creation, not over each other. By embracing this perspective, couples can begin to foster a more equitable and collaborative approach in their marriage, moving away from the patterns of control and toward a partnership that honors God and one another.

Moving Towards Harmony

My challenge to you, and something I’ve worked on in my own marriage, is to actively seek out and extinguish the seeds of sin and passivity. Consider what small actions or thoughts might be undermining your union. By focusing on partnership rather than power struggles, we can align our marriages more closely with divine intent.

As we transition toward the next part of our series, where we’ll explore the purpose of marriage, I encourage you to reflect on what we’ve discussed here and commit to building a healthier, more resilient marriage that can withstand the test of time.

Links Mentioned in this Episode:

Watch the Full Sermon Mended: God’s Plan for Marriage

Get Your Free “7 Secrets to a Happier, Healthier Marriage” Audio

Looking to Connect Better in Your Marriage? Check out My “From Conflict to Connection Course”

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