Staying Connected as a Couple When You’re Going 100 MPH in Different Directions
In the whirlwind of modern life, couples often navigate busy seasons where time seems to be stretched to its limits. Staying connected as a couple when balancing careers, family responsibilities, and personal growth can feel like a never-ending race. But what happens to a marriage when both spouses are sprinting 100 MPH in seemingly opposite directions? In this episode, my husband, Shaun, is with us and we open up about our personal experiences on how to stay connected as a couple when life gets hectic.
The Busy Season: A Shared Experience
I set the stage by acknowledging the reality we are currently facing: staying connected as a couple in a busy season where time together seemed scarce. Shaun is a full-time firefighter lieutenant who also runs a business, along with his coaching responsibilities, and I manage my own business while running our household as well. It can seem like we find ourselves moving at what feels like light speed in different directions. This isn’t an unfamiliar scenario for many couples today. The demands of jobs, family, and personal pursuits can create a complex web of time management challenges. These circumstances previously led to feelings of anxiety and resentment in past seasons of our marriage because my primary love language is quality time.
But something changed this time around. I no longer feel the same resentment I once did about our somewhat limited quality time. We have found a way to reconcile our ambitions with our marriage goals. This transformation has a lot to do with effective communication and mutual understanding of our motivations and drives.
Communication: The Pillar of Connection
Connection-based communication is and will always be a vital component of a healthy marriage. Shaun pointed out that talking through our situations and understanding the benefits of each other’s work has dissolved previous feelings of jealousy or competition. “We’re on the same page now,” Shaun shared, emphasizing the power of being united in understanding why each person is doing what they’re doing.
In the past, I really struggled when Shaun was constantly juggling multiple jobs. During those times, it was easy to feel neglected, as my need for quality time went unmet. We finally realized that bridging this gap required not only communication but also an appreciation for each other’s efforts and recognizing shared goals.
Staying Connected By Supporting Each Other’s Pursuits
Both Shaun and I discuss specific moments that strengthened our connection as a couple—showing up for each other’s events, whether it’s one of my speaking engagements or Shaun’s football games. These moments of support helped us to foster a sense of partnership and reminded us both that we are champions of each other’s dreams. Even when our time is limited, we make efforts to participate in each other’s worlds, and this support brings us closer.
Striking a Balance: Independence vs. Interdependence
While a healthy marriage will see both spouses pursuing their goals and dreams, there is a fine line between independence in marriage and cultivating a need for each other. In seasons where both partners are thriving in their careers, there’s a risk of growing independent to the point of disconnection. There were times when Shaun and I were left feeling as though we were building our separate endeavors simultaneously without always intersecting. I still have a desire for more partnership in certain areas of our marriage. This is real life for us for us right now. There is a real need for a continuous balance between personal growth and unified goals within any marriage.
The Power of Small Moments
Despite our very full schedules, Shaun and I have discovered the significance of small, quality interactions throughout the day. Whether it’s a quick text check-in or a spontaneous Taco Tuesday, these small gestures of connection reinforce our bond and help to prevent feelings of detachment from creeping in.
Couples would be wise to shift their perspectives on quality time. While quantity might be limited, the focus should be on making the time they do have together meaningful and energizing. This helps maintain that strong connection even in busy periods, allowing couples to cherish the moments of togetherness without dwelling on the scarcity of time.
Shaun and I spent some time reflecting on what anchors us during the busyness of life. For me, my intentional Sabbath days have become a game-changer for not only my relationship with God but also my relationship with my family. These are times set aside to disconnect from the chaos and reconnect with God and each other. Sabbath is an ancient practice (and a Biblical command) that has greatly enhanced our rhythm of life. Not only that, but we also ensure we have regular touchpoints to recalibrate and enjoy being together.
ALSO LISTEN TO: How to Stay Connected When You’re Apart
Embracing the Busy Season with Gratitude
In closing, busy seasons are inevitable, but they can also be an opportunity for growth, understanding, and deeper connection. The key lies in open communication, supporting each other’s pursuits, embracing spiritual journeys, and finding creative ways to connect in the midst of chaos.
It’s important to embrace these busy times with gratitude. They are often the answer to prayers and a testament to the hard work and ambitions that both spouses have worked toward. By focusing on the positive aspects and making the most of the time available, couples can navigate busy seasons while keeping their relationships strong and fulfilling.
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
New Resource! The Ultimate Couples Checklist: 5 Simple Steps to Build More Intimacy
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