Should You Tell Your Spouse Everything?
Should you tell your spouse everything, divulge every detail of your life, and uncover all your secrets to your spouse or keep certain things in the pocket? Marriage is a beautiful journey of mutual love, trust, and companionship. However, whether we should tell our spouse everything often looms large. Are secrets always a bad thing? In this episode, you’ll hear insights and actionable tips for building a more intimate and honest relationship with your spouse.
The Importance of Oneness
One of the cornerstones of a healthy marriage is the goal of oneness. It’s not just a good idea; it’s a Biblical principle. From Genesis to the New Testament, oneness in marriage is emphasized; the goal is becoming one flesh. Most Christian couples are familiar with Genesis 2:24: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh,” but many don’t know what it means.
Oneness is not merely about physical proximity or making joint decisions; it’s a heart posture and an attitude that binds spouses into one entity. When you live as one, what affects your spouse affects you and vice versa. Whether discussing challenges at work, business, or parenting, Shaun and I consciously include each other in every aspect of our lives. There is no area of my life that I want to be hidden from Shaun. Telling your spouse everything ensures this transparency serves as a foundation for trust and mutual respect in our marriage.
Trust and Accountability
Trust is the bedrock of any relationship. Being open and honest with your spouse builds a solid ground of trust. This doesn’t mean just answering questions honestly; it involves volunteering information, even when it’s uncomfortable. If you are going to develop trust, then you have got to volunteer some information.
Consider the idea of an “open marriage” in a unique way—not in the sense of involving other people in your marriage, but being completely open with each other about your lives. Whether discussing a new coworker or a financial decision, keeping things transparent allows for mutual accountability. Withholding information, however, even trivial, can plant seeds of distrust that may grow into bigger issues over time.
Building Friendship
Marriage should not just be a relationship of convenience or duty; it should be a friendship. Song of Solomon 5:16 paints a beautiful picture of marital friendship: “This is my lover and this is my friend.” This sentiment encapsulates the idea that spouses should enjoy each other’s company, laugh together, dream together, and support each other like the best of friends.
Being married means discussing not only your day-to-day lives but also sharing dreams and aspirations. When you tell your spouse everything, it leads to a type of friendship that adds depth to your marriage and helps things from getting stale and boring. Being friends with your spouse is so much sweeter. I want to encourage you to strive to be your partner’s closest friend.
Breaking Down Barriers to Marital Friendship
One of the major obstacles to openness is the fear of being hurt or judged. It’s often the people closest to us who have the greatest potential to hurt us, which often results in us keeping our distance emotionally. However, we need to break down these barriers and let our spouses in.
If your marriage has been marked by secrecy and distance. It begins with the desire to change and a commitment to doing the necessary work. You have the power to create a great relationship. Good relationships don’t happen by accident; they are the result of intentional effort and mutual commitment.
Practical Tips for How to Tell Your Spouse Everything
Here are several actionable tips to implement this openness in your relationship:
- Volunteer Information: Don’t wait for your spouse to ask questions. Share details about your day, your thoughts, and your feelings openly.
- Discuss New Relationships: If you meet someone new, especially in a work or social setting, let your spouse know. This preemptive sharing prevents potential misunderstandings.
- Financial Transparency: Be open about your purchases and financial decisions. Hiding transactions can erode trust over time.
- Address the Past: Don’t shy away from discussing your past. While it may be uncomfortable, sharing past experiences helps build a deeper connection.
- Build Day-to-Day Friendship: Find time to engage in activities that both of you enjoy. Whether it’s a hobby, a sport, or even running errands together, these moments strengthen your bond.
- Seek Professional Help if Needed: If you find it challenging to be open due to past hurts or ongoing issues, don’t hesitate to seek out marriage coaching or a marriage support group like Thrive Wives.
The journey to complete honesty and openness in marriage may be challenging, but it is oh-so rewarding. It requires vulnerability, trust, and a commitment to oneness. By embracing these principles, you can build a marriage and a friendship that not only endures but thrives. Remember, you will get the relationship that you work to have.”
Links Mentioned in this Episode:
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