I’ve Lost Myself in My Marriage

Have you ever had that nagging feeling that you’re losing yourself in your marriage? A listener wrote this question, and it will really hit home if you’ve felt like you’ve let yourself go in marriage. This woman wrote in to share her personal journey, and I felt it was necessary to address her concerns with the understanding and respect she deserves.

The letter comes from a dedicated wife and mother who’s been blessed—and busy—with three children over five years. She candidly shares her struggles with feeling lost, having slipped into a routine that no longer involves the care she once put into her appearance or her marriage. She describes how she fell into a cycle of wearing only sweatsuits and a top bun, accompanied by a general sense of feeling ‘blah.’ This has impacted her desire to enjoy social activities, like dates with her supportive husband.

Giving Yourself Grace When You’ve Let Yourself Go

First off, to this brave woman, I want to say thank you for opening up. It takes a lot of courage to share what you’re going through, and I assure you, you’re not alone. So many people experience similar feelings after the whirlwind of marriage and parenthood changes everything.

Here’s my advice, and I hope it helps you and anyone else who might be feeling the same way:

1. Give Yourself Grace: Remember, three kids in five years is a monumental undertaking! It’s okay that things look and feel different now. You’ve gone through major life transitions, and it’s important to acknowledge the incredible journey you’re on. Be kind to yourself and recognize these shifts as part of your evolving life.

2. Express Gratitude: It’s wonderful that you have such a supportive husband. Take a moment to thank God for him and show your appreciation directly to him as well. Acknowledging your husband’s role not only strengthens your bond but also reminds you both of the partnership you share.

Did I Let Myself Go Because of Postpartum Depression?

When I heard some of the struggles this listener wrote about, I was initally concerned she may be dealing with postpartum depression. If this is you,  seek professional help. While I can’t diagnose, I do suggest checking in with a therapist to ensure that what you’re experiencing isn’t related to postpartum depression. Professional advice and even medicinal support may be incredibly helpful in navigating these feelings and providing the support you need.

4-Week Blueprint if You’ve Let Yourself Go

Here’s a simple plan I’ve crafted if you’ve felt “I’ve let myself go” to help you take small, meaningful steps back to feeling like yourself:

Week 1: Get dressed every day. Choose outfits that make you feel good, even if you’re just working from home. Doing your hair daily can also help boost your mood and productivity. When you look better, you feel better. Take pride in how you look. This doesn’t mean fancy clothes, but wear something that makes you feel special.

Week 2: Treat yourself to something that brings you joy. Whether it’s a visit to a new café, a pedicure, a massage, or simply a stroll through your favorite park. This week, continue the practices from week one and add this personal joy moment into your routine.

Week 3: Surprise your husband with a date night. Take the initiative to plan something fun for both of you. Whether it’s dinner or an adventure, focus on reconnecting outside the usual routines. Keep up the daily self-care and personal joy activities from week one and week two also.

Week 4: Journal about your experience throughout these weeks. Reflect on what dressing up and engaging in self-care have done for your self-esteem and your marriage. Consider what you’d like to maintain moving forward and whether you’ll commit to this self-care routine again next month.

Final Thoughts

Remember, these are baby steps—not an overnight transformation—but they’re designed to help you gradually step out of that funk and feel more like the amazing person you truly are.

For anyone listening who feels they need this plan too, go ahead and give it a try! I’d love to hear how it worked for you, so feel free to email me at or DM me on Instagram with your thoughts and experiences.

Lastly, if you find joy and value in what we do here on the podcast, any support through donations is incredibly appreciated. It helps us keep producing quality episodes. Every bit counts.

Thank you for being here on this journey with me. I appreciate each one of you, and I’m excited to return next time with more discussions to help us all continue rebuilding and strengthening our lives and marriages.

If you like the show, please give it a 5-star rating and write a review!

Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.