Count the Cost Before You Get Married!

Getting married is undoubtedly one of the most significant decisions you’ll make in your life, which is why you need to count the cost before you get married. With the joys of the engagement season heightened by holidays like Christmas and Valentine’s Day, many find themselves caught up in the excitement of wedding planning. However, while beautiful ceremonies and Instagram-worthy moments are cherished, the essence of a marriage lies in its longevity and health. This podcast episode emphasizes the importance of counting the cost before tying the knot, ensuring that you’re prepared for a lifetime commitment, not just a memorable wedding day.

A Wedding is Just a Day, But Marriage is a Lifetime

It’s easy to get carried away with the glitz and glam of the wedding day. Many couples invest in DJs, photographers, and lavish venues, only giving little thought to the foundation of their future – the marriage itself. But it’s important to remember that while the wedding will only last a few hours (at most), the marriage is a lifelong journey. Invest in premarital counseling before all else. I won’t marry a couple who has not gone through premarital counseling. It’s just too important to skip. 

Establish a solid foundation upon which your marriage can thrive. Genuine conversations around finances, goals, and faith with your soon-to-be spouse should take precedence over color schemes, photo shoots, and bouquet arrangements.

Key Questions to Consider Before You Get Married

1. Is This Person My Lifelong Companion?

Marriage is not a trial offer. It’s an enduring covenant. Many couples enter relationships thinking they can change their partner over time. This isn’t only a misguided belief but can lead to future heartache. Consider if this person, as they are right now, is someone you want to share your days with for the next decades. Before you get married, reflect on the whole person, not just the good qualities—assessing their habits, aspirations, and personality traits.

Family Matters When It Comes to Marriage

2. Would He/She Make a Good Parent?

Have conversations about children before you get married. Do you each want kids? How do you envision your parenting styles? Avoid assumptions about how you think your soon-to-be spouse will parent. Observe them around children, if possible. Have clear conversations to discover your visions regarding family. Understand each other’s values and beliefs about parenting, discipline, and the type of home environment you want to cultivate.

3. How Well Do They Integrate with My Family?

Your family is an extension of you, and it’s paramount that your partner can mesh well with them. Every family has some level of dysfunction, so while perfect unity isn’t always possible, basic harmony should be pursued. Family dynamics play a significant role in marital relationships, and maintaining healthy boundaries and respectful relationships is essential.

4. What Do Our Friends Have to Say About Our Relationship?

Friends can offer an invaluable external perspective. You need them. Often, they can recognize patterns or red flags before you get married that you might overlook due to love’s blindfold. Trusted friends who’ve been with you through various life stages could provide insights into your relationship that you might not have considered. Their opinions shouldn’t be the sole decision-maker, but they should be weighed carefully.

Spiritual and Financial Health Before You Get Married

5. What is The Quality of Their Spiritual Health?

For those of faith, aligning spiritually is critical. Unequal spiritual commitments can result in discord, particularly when navigating life’s inevitable storms. Discuss core beliefs, and ensure there is harmony in spiritual practices and values. Understand each other’s faith journeys before you get married and how intertwined these values are with personal and relational identity.

6. What Does Their Financial Landscape Look Like?

Financial goals and habits are often a major stressor in marriage. Be transparent about your debts, spending habits, and financial goals. Investigate (without snooping!) if your partner is financially stable and aligned with your vision of financial stewardship. Discussing finances candidly can prevent shocks down the line and build trust in handling shared resources.

ALSO LISTEN TO: Ep. 119 – Finding Financial Peace in Your Marriage – with Austin Black

Is Love Enough to Sustain A Marriage?

7. How Do They Handle Anger and Conflict?

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. It’s not about avoiding arguments but managing them healthily. Observing how your partner reacts to setbacks or disputes can reveal much about their character. Prioritize emotional intelligence and conflict resolution skills, ensuring that each partner can engage in healthy communication even under stress.

8. Do I Truly Love This Person?

Beyond the initial infatuation, do you genuinely love your partner? Spend time before you get married to reflect on the depth of your affection. This is not about needing to list a hundred reasons but confirming a deep-seated affection that goes beyond the superficial. Write down reasons why you love them, excluding the word ‘love’ itself. This exercise can uncover your true motivations and values regarding the relationship.

9. What Are Our Views on Divorce?

While discussing divorce might seem pessimistic, it’s crucial to understand each other’s thresholds and dealbreakers. Do they view marriage as a lifelong commitment, or do they see divorce as an easy escape route if things get tough? Having transparent conversations on this topic can indicate the seriousness of their commitment to the union.

Concluding Thoughts Before You Say I Do

The journey to marriage is as sacred as the institution of marriage itself. Counting the cost before you get married is not about creating fear or doubt but about empowering you to make the most informed, prayerful decisions before stepping into the lifelong covenant of marriage. Whether you’re on the verge of engagement or already planning your big day, let these considerations guide your pathway to a fruitful and enduring marriage. As you deliberate these questions, know that marriage is a beautiful commitment meant to be fortified with preparation, understanding, and mutual goals. Invest wisely today for a rich, fulfilling tomorrow.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:

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