7 Relationship Red Flags You Can’t Ignore!
My eyes could not possibly stretch any wider as my friend detailed the verbal lashing she got from her “boyfriend.” It was an all-out curse-you-out-til-I-hurt-you session. I cringed at words I hadn’t heard since my teenage years. I shook my head as I scrunched up my nose. “Stop it. You can stop now,” I told her. Relationship red flags?
“How in the world did you get here?” I asked.
“Dana, I don’t even know,” she shook her head. “I thought we had a good relationship. I never saw it coming.”
I raised my eyebrows at her, clearly not convinced. She’s an accomplished, educated woman. She knows better. Don’t we all? Or maybe we don’t. Have you ever found yourself in a bad relationship wondering like my friend, How did I get here?
Truth be told, we don’t just fall into bad relationships. We walk into them. Step by step, blindly ignoring the relationship red flags waving vigorously in our faces. I’ve been there.
Here are 7 Relationship Red Flags that No One Should Ignore
- Your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their last breakup.
Now before you start with the excuses, I’m not saying the breakup was his/her fault. But if we’re honest, we can all own up to at least some of the problems we may have attributed to in our past relationships.
- They’re the victim.
Similar to #1, victims are always seeking to blame their problems on someone else. It’s not their fault for anything: it’s always the “bad guy’s (i.e. their ex’s) fault. They are just the helpless victim. Listen for victim talk in other relationships like how their parents treated them, how their boss treats them, etc.
- They’re too clingy.
In new relationships, we can’t seem to get enough of each other, but you usually know deep down when it starts feeling creepy. Does this person text or call you constantly? Does he/she show up randomly at places you’re at without notice? This isn’t cute, my friend. This is a relationship red flag.
- They isolate you from your family or friends.
This is a classic relationship red flag! When I was in high school, one of my best friends’ boyfriend told her she wasn’t “allowed” to be friends with us anymore. And she listened. Needless to say, that relationship went nowhere fast. He ended up being controlling and emotionally abusive. Go figure.
- They’re Dr. Jeckle and Mr./Miss Hyde.
We all have bad days, but if your partner’s personality changes on a dime, watch out. Trying to figure out which personality you’re dealing with that day is exhausting. Be forewarned. It doesn’t get better with time.
- They have a sordid past.
Yes, yes, people can change, but if you know your partner has been abusive (verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually) in the past, chances are she/he will abuse you too. Don’t be too quick to make excuses for someone before testing his/her character.
- They act like your ex!
Human nature tends to attract the same thing over and over. If you haven’t properly dealt with issues from your past relationship(s), you WILL attract those same problems. If your last partner was all that, you would still be in the relationship. If it walks like a dog, barks like a dog, acts like a dog, it’s a dog!
e-Harmony published an excellent article recently with more ways of recognizing red flags in your relationship. Give yourself some credit! We tend to ignore our conscious, our God-given intuition because of our feelings. Feelings are great, but they should never be what drive our actions. Tweet that! You must learn to trust your rational self!
How many of these red flags have you noticed in your relationships? Can you think of any more relationship red flags to add to this list? I’d love to hear yours in the comments below.